10 Helpful Hints for Parents of Teens
1. There always needs to be an adult in any situation, and it needs to be you. If you find yourself being pulled into your adolescent’s arguments, or yelling back at them, take a step back. You can’t expect them to be the mature adult.
2. Treat your adolescent as well as you treat their friends. If, in a pleasant manner, you ask your son/daughter’s friend to do something, why wouldn’t you do that with your own child as well?
3. Offer choices as often as possible. “You may choose to continue to talk to me in a disrespectful tone, or you may choose to have (insert privilege here) taken away.”
4. Acknowledge the positive things your teens do more often than you notice the negative things they do.
5. Admit when you’ve made a mistake or poor choice regarding your teen. They will appreciate your honesty, and you are modeling taking responsibility and asking for forgiveness. Remember, you are the adult.
6. Use life moments and situations as opportunities to teach. Remember they are young; and believe it or not, they do not know it all. They don’t “just know” how to do certain things, i.e. how to wash a car, clean a room, take notes when reading.
7. Take situations such as “wardrobe malfunctions” and racy commercials to teach your teens about appropriate behavior and images toward members of the opposite sex. They need to know why you are appalled, not that you are appalled.
8. Allow them to express their views and opinions openly. “I want my lip pierced.” “Why your lip; why not your eyebrow?” Vs. “No one in my house will ever have their lip pierced.” You’re not giving permission; you’re listening to them and engaging them in conversation where they feel heard and free to express their opinions. Plus, you’re not giving them the rise and reaction they are looking for – you are the adult.
9. Respond to your teen’s behavior, don’t react to it. When you react, you run off of your emotions and may overreact. When you respond, you gather all necessary information about the situation and make the best decision about how to proceed.
10. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself and having time for you and your spouse to have alone time. Make sure you have enough energy to be dealing with tough situations as they arise.
